RELATIONSHIPS
On and Off Again Relationship: Does It Ever Work?
Like the plot of a romantic movie, a boy meets a girl, they date, they break up over something nonsensical, get back together, and once again torn apart but somehow end up reconciling. And they both live happily ever after.
While every romantic movie leaves us all happy and giddy over a reunion, what we don’t see is the beginning of a dysfunctional relationship dynamic.
Popular narratives led us to believe that repairing bridges with a former partner, no matter how many times they crumbled, would result in a happily ever after.
But does love prevail over clashes in personality and relationship transgressions?
Let’s deep dive into the on and off again relationship phenomenon.
Why They Happen
No one goes into a relationship thinking about it ending, which is why breakups are hard.
We grieve the loss of a partnership in which we have invested time and effort and fear the loneliness and unknown that will come.
When a person allows the two situations to consume them during the breakup, there’s a chance that they’ll crawl back into the relationship. In turn, this results in a cyclical relationship.
When They Can Work
The repetitive cycle of breaking up and getting back together can be dysfunctional, unstable, hurtful, and even toxic. But this doesn’t always represent a less-than-ideal situation. Sometimes, this might be what your relationship needs.
Some relationships are worth rekindling. Some even swear by it, saying that reuniting after a separation gives them time to work through their feelings and the circumstances that led to the breakup; it enables them to reenter the relationship with a different perspective.
So, let’s say you broke up the first time because one of you was controlling. After you both put in some work to try and be better, both of you can consider rekindling the connection.
When one or both demonstrated growth, improved themselves, and consented to give the relationship a second chance, it’s safe to assume that getting back together will be the best decision.
Depending on the circumstances of reconciliation, relationships like this can work out. But most of the time, such relationships end up trapping people in a vicious cycle.
This leads us to my second point…
When They Can’t Work
Most on and off again relationships never fix the behavior or problems that led to breakups. They treat it as a singular event and not the result of underlying issues that need addressing.
Unless they fix these issues, the relationship can never work out.
It’s okay to give a relationship another try. But when it’s been a couple of times already, maybe it’s time to give up. Sometimes, you aren’t just meant to be!
Being in a constant cycle of making up and breaking up can be extremely distressing and its effects can overflow into other areas of your life, such as work or social life.
Making the Decision to Stay or Go
Undying love and devotion is something worth fighting for. However, sometimes, we become so emotionally attached that we often overlook how negatively the relationship affects us.
If you find yourself in an on and off again relationship, consider what makes you love the relationship and what you can’t stand. Remember, you get to choose how others treat you, so make sure you are with someone who makes you happy.
