EXES

Why Do Exes Come Back When You Least Expect It?

Alona Adamovich
3 min readJan 3, 2024
A man handing flowers to his girlfriend.
Why do exes come back when all you want is to move forward? Is it because they still love you? | Photo by Ron Lach on Pexels

Why do exes come back when you are well on your way to healing?

Exes always appear in your highs and drag you down a rabbit hole of emotions. When this happens, it can be confusing and frustrating, and a resounding question of “Why now?” plagues your mind.

There are numerous reasons why exes do this, but here are the most common ones.

1. They Still Love You

Your ex might have broken up with you in the heat of the moment, even if they intensely loved you.

That’s because, sometimes, emotions other than love can make one say and do things they didn’t intend to, and in turn, cause separation.

However, a few weeks or months after the breakup, they might have realized they were wrong, making them try to take back their rash decision.

2. They Are Different Now and Want to Try Again

Most breakups are because of something lacking in the relationship, whether in communication, trust, or intimacy.

Some exes realize the mistake they made in the relationship long after the breakup and decide to turn over a new leaf.

And now that they’re in the best place possible, they want to win you back.

3. They Come Back Out of Jealousy

They might have grasped the news that you’re seeing someone new. But instead of being happy for you, they feel like they are losing something that belonged to them.

While you might think this jealousy is because they still love you, you’re wrong. They might come back into your life to cause chaos.

Their random text asking about your day might not be as innocent or friendly as you perceive it to be. It can be a way to manipulate you and sabotage your current relationship.

You see, some exes have no intentions to reconcile. They just don’t want anyone else to be with you. They want you to be alone, just like them.

4. They Got Tired of Being Single

At first, they felt stifled in the relationship and imagined being single was the solution.

They thought it would be an endless night out with their friends, non-stop fun, and plenty of romantic options to explore.

However, when they discovered that the grass wasn’t greener on the other side, they came crawling back into the comfort your relationship brought.

5. They Want an Ego Boost

In connection to my previous point, there’s a good chance that your ex’s main reason for returning is to feel better about themselves. They want your attention and to know that you still like them, boosting their ego.

Some people are innately selfish, and your ex might be one of them. They’re probably thinking more about their needs than yours at the moment.

What Should I Do When They Come Back?

You need to hold out for someone who deserves you.

Don’t allow your ex to reenter your world and steal back your heart if they don’t deserve it. Even if you can get back together, that doesn’t mean you should. Sometimes, leaving the past in the past is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Remember that you broke up for a reason. Even if time has passed, that doesn’t always mean things have changed.

If you get back together, history could repeat itself. That’s why you need to be careful and ask yourself, “Why do exes come back?”

Listen to your heart, but don’t ignore what your head is telling you.

--

--